


Too Big To Use

by WeMadeMonsters



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Masturbation, Other, Rising to a challenge, mcu flash meme
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-08
Updated: 2016-01-08
Packaged: 2018-05-12 14:02:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5668615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WeMadeMonsters/pseuds/WeMadeMonsters
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Fine, there's something wrong with the closet door. I can use it as a doorstop I guess." </p><p>"Sure, Cap. Doorstop. If that's what you're calling it."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Too Big To Use

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the second prompt for the MCU flash meme on dreamwidth and one of my favourite tumblr posts of all time (http://masterblaster.tumblr.com/post/87110372846/theeasyvirtue-masterblaster-we-ordered-lube).

"Hey, you want this?"

Steve Rogers had come face to face with a lot of things in life, but he was sure this was the first time a PVC penis had been thrust in his face. Natasha had shown up to his new apartment in DC that morning with a cardboard box tucked under her arm. Housewarming gifts, she said. To make the place more homey.

If she hadn't had a coffee tray balanced on the top of the box he probably wouldn't have let her in.

If SHEILD had provided him with a coffee maker, he hadn't found it yet in the array of boxes that had been neatly piled up in the living room when he'd arrived the night before. They sat crosslegged among them, talking and taking their time unboxing everything and setting it up in neat piles. So far they'd found clothing, a few boxes of linens, and flatware. And now he was close enough to a dildo to have it almost go up his nose. Not that it was small enough to fit.

"What the hell is it?" He knew what it was, and the blush spreading from his neck to his cheeks told Natasha he knew what it was. Even if he hadn't begun to browse the internet he'd have known - he might be from what Stark referred to as a simpler time but anyone who knew the first few things about sex could probably figure out what a flexible piece of PVC shaped like a cock was for. Hell, he could even make a guess at what function the suction cup on the end was meant to fill. What he was hoping was that she'd take it out of his face with the question.

"I got it for free when I ordered some other stuff online-" Much to his dismay, Natasha didn't lower the thing. In fact, she went as far as to prod his face with it until he pushed at her arm. "Too big for me really. Not that I don't appreciate the size and the thought, but when I'm on my own I prefer something more moderate with a motor. But I thought, hey, you know who's a big guy who might appreciate a big cock?"

" _Oh my god_."

"C'mon Steve." She was grinning, attempting to evade the hand he'd put up to protect himself, the testicles attached to the dildo flopping wildly as she did. "Look, it likes you. _It wants to be friends_."

"If I say yes will you stop waving it around like that?"

"Sure."

"Fine, there's something wrong with the closet door. I can use it as a doorstop I guess."

"Sure, Cap. _Doorstop_. If that's what you're calling it."

He threw a hand towel at her and she laughed, and for a few moments his apartment felt less like an assignment and more like a home.

 

\----------

 

A few days later he was staring down the thing alone, cup of coffee in hand. It was creme brûlée flavoured because when they'd gone shopping for appliances Natasha had insisted he buy a _kuerig_. He'd protested that he was sure that the ten dollar coffee maker could do the job just as well, she'd told him that wasn't any fun. And that's how he'd ended up with a drawer full of tiny cups, all with different flavours.

It was disgusting, but he'd made it and as much as he hated it he couldn't bring himself to toss it down the drain. _Waste not, want not._

Taking another sip, he'd nudge at the thing with his toe; it seemed like he could make indents on it that slowly filled back in if he pushed hard enough, but that was probably just him. Sometimes it was difficult to estimate where what _he_ could have done ended and where the serum took over. Either way, it seemed firm enough to... Fill it's intended purpose, so to speak.

Damnit Natasha.

The longer it sat there, the more he thought about it. And the more he thought about it, the more it felt like it was taunting him. Which was ridiculous of course, of course it was. It was a dick made out of plastic, not a statement about his capabilities.

Still.

Bucky had spent years trying to curb his instinct to take everything as a dare, or at least trying to put him back together after he did... But he was alone now. He was alone in an apartment in DC with an eight inch dildo and he didn't have to report back in for an other forty-eight hours. He finished off the rest of his coffee with a wince, glaring down into the mug after. This was the part of the future he wasn't sure he could get used to; the way that everything seemed so much sweeter, and the way that everything seemed to need to taste like something else. Maybe later he'd cheat and dig through the drawer and see if he couldn't find one of the damned things that just said coffee on the top.

He washed his mug methodically, taking his time and planning the best course of attack as he set it in the dish rack. He had lube. Steve Rogers had plenty of lube. You could buy it in just a regular drug store now if you wanted, or in a specialty shop that was perfectly legal to enter and didn't pretend to be anything else. He'd bought a large bottle of the stuff because that had been the most cost effective option, and even though sometimes it could still feel it in him the next day he'd willingly admit that it was a lot nicer than anything he'd ever thought of using before. This was the part of living in the future that he thought he'd like to get used to.

Steve supposed that the suction cup meant that he could have set it on the wall, or on a chair, or his cabinets, or wherever he wanted it to go; but all in all the floor seemed to be the best bet for now. Mostly because the mental image of trying to back himself onto the thing mounted on the wall or breaking his kitchen chair with the dildo inside of him was more humiliating than the experience was probably meant to be.

He let his sweatpants drop to the floor inside his bedroom door, and he'd kick them aside on his way to the nightstand. The lube he'd ended up with had a sort of flowery print on the bottle and had a name almost onomatopoeic to how it felt when he rubbed it over his fingers. Steve might have ending up with a plainer container that had said FIST-IT on the side, but the woman working in the shop had taken it from him and suggested this instead, and given him a lecture when he told her he was sure anything wet would do the job. And that's how he knew that the stuff he was holding was good for anal, and alright to use with dildos; though he was supposed to put a condom on it if he thought there might be phthalates in it. He didn't know how he was supposed to know if there was a phthalatein a dildo, so he'd rip a condom from the neatly stacked strip of them he kept in there as well.

Kneeling on his hardwood floor beside the dildo, it occurred to him that the use of pillows would be nice. His knees might ache if he was on them for a long time, and he'd glance back at the bed after ripping the condom wrapper open with his teeth. Whatever. It shouldn't take too long anyway, right? And maybe he wanted his knees to hurt. Maybe he wanted everything to hurt for a little while.

If the dildo was real, and attached to a person, he was supposed to put lube on it before the condom. For a moment he wondered if that still applied, but he figured that would probably defeat the point. Why put a condom on it to protect it from the lube if he was going to lube it up first, right? It didn't matter. He could _buy_ himself another dildo, that would be okay. That would be allowed. Still, the thought of just accidentally ruining something had him paralyzed for a moment or two, and he had to take the time to remember that in the future Steve Rogers didn't have to worry about the cost of replacing something.

He'd watched a video about how to put a condom on someone on the internet, and when he had he hadn't thought that the first time he did it he'd be kneeling on the floor beside a dildo with his shirt still on. On the other hand, he was glad that's where he was. Even alone, rolling the condom down with one hand seemed embarrassingly intimate in a way he didn't fully understand, and he guessed it was nice to practice. Maybe when he did it for real he wouldn't feel his stomach tighten and his face get hot in that way that he knew meant he was blushing.

Lube went on top of the condom, and there was something about the way he had to stroke the dildo to wet it that was getting him hard. The woman had told him he wouldn't ever need to use much of it, and that seemed true. The small amount he'd put on his fingers had the dildo slippery, and his mind was clouded with the thought of him just... Sliding down.

That had him harder, his face redder, and his hand leaving the dildo to settle between his thighs to squeeze the base of his own cock. God, it would be good. Maybe it would even leave him aching. _God_.

Steve barely spent any time preparing himself. He could sit on a dildo, right? If the internet was to be believed, millions of Americans did this daily and as far as Americans went, he was pretty tough. Sitting over the dildo, he'd reach back behind him, holding it steady and letting his legs relax and the weight of his own body carry him downwards.

" _Fuck_ -" It wouldn't go in. And the harder he tried to make it go in, the more it hurt. It was a ripping, _tearing_ pain and it was too much to take alone. He could have forced himself through it if he'd wanted to, but what surprised him was that he _didn't_ want to. Not like this. Not when he was alone. His small apartment with one couch and one table and one chair was enough pain.

Flopping forwards with a final dissatisfied grunt, Steve would bury his head in his head in his arms and sigh. He'd wanted a morning of proving to himself that he could do what he wanted. Only now he couldn't, and he felt like he always did. Angry, sad. Tired. Pained. Alone.

Google was no help. Typing "how do I sit on a dildo" into the search bar turned up only pages upon pages of pornographic videos, many of which were interesting, but none of which seemed to contain a solution for his particular issue. Everyone just sat and slid and enjoyed themselves. 

"Siri?"

"Yes?"

"How do I..."

"Seems like I cut you off. Can you please repeat that?"

"How do I sit on a dildo?"

"That's not very nice."

"I know."

"Knowing is half the battle."

Steve took the time to roll his eyes before tossing his phone back towards his bed. So far the thing about future technology seemed to be that it was equal parts helpful and disappointing.

He was a smart man, he could figure this out on his own. The first step was probably not letting himself get over excited and try to sit on the thing with the same level of determination he usually applied to training practices. _Start slow_.

His hand was still slick from when he'd gotten the dildo ready, and he let it run up his thigh as he pushed himself up onto his knees with the other, bracing his forearm against the floor and almost sitting back on his heels. He was going soft again, but that wasn't the point. He wanted-

Sighing loudly, Steve hid his face in his elbow and did his best to breathe deep as he let his hand go up past his balls. _Don't make it a mission. Have fun._ Life advice from Natasha could apply to more than a coffee maker, and this could be good. The expanse of skin between his balls and hole was softer than he'd expected it to be, and he'd make himself let himself enjoy it. He was ready to move on when he was squirming, his shirt sliding down towards his shoulders and his forehead sweating against his arm.

He felt undignified, not only from his position but the way it made him fumble at himself. Steve had refused to let himself just masturbation as anything as a perfunctory tool for release up to that point, so although he understood in theory how his body should look in every area, discovering it for himself was something else entirely. The more he touched himself, he less awkward he felt and the further he sat back on his heels. By the time he had two fingers in himself, he'd taken his face out of his elbow so he could push against the floor with his free hand. This way he could arch the way his body told him he wanted to, pushing back against his fingers as he scissored them inside himself.

Everything felt hot, and for a while Steve just let himself rock into that good feeling, letting his head loll and his feet curl until they cramped. The feeling that his fingers weren't enough happened almost all at once, and he didn't have it in him to think about removing his fingers before he reached for his lube again which meant he ended up stumbling and almost falling onto his face. Steve was almost sure he was going to hurt himself again, with the speed he tried to slip more of the lube into himself but he was past caring. He needed to be _full_ , needed it more than anything.

The shaky, quick way that he tried to lube up the dildo again resulted in a good deal of the liquid ending up on the floor, and the thought that it was going to be a bitch to clean up after flashed through his mind. It was a problem he couldn't bring himself to care about just then, and Steve quickly moved back into the position he'd started out in.

This time the pain that came with sinking down was just the dull ache of stretching _wider_ , not the sharp pain of _I can't_. Steve tugged on the hem of his shirt to try to keep himself from digging his nails into his thighs as he began to work his way down, but gave up on that when he felt the seams of the shirt start to give way. Settling into a rhythm of rocking forward and then sitting down a little further each time felt best, and then even digging his nails into his knees felt good. Everything felt good, everything felt _warm_. The room was quiet, except for his panting and the occasional grunt and slew of curse words. Quiet enough for him to hear the sound it made going in and out of him as he rocked, which was something that only spurred him on more.

Steve couldn't tell if it had been minutes or hours by the time he knew he was close to coming. The experience had been both painfully short, and long enough to have him taking leave of his senses. And then it felt like something broke inside him, like something warm was spreading from his core and out through every limb while he ground down on the dildo and let his nails break the skin on his thighs. He'd curse as he curled forwards, letting his voice taper off into a soft whine as he finished.

He felt like he was wet everywhere, if not from his sweat then from the lube and his come, and getting off the dildo was a lot less pleasant than getting on it had been. But he was unmistakably sure he'd accomplished something by taking on the dildo that Natasha had described as too big for her to use.


End file.
